Just prior to returning to church after meeting at home for COVID for a long time, I was called to be The Primary Music Leader. I had been serving as a Relief Society Teacher and really enjoyed that calling so when I was first called, I admit that I was somewhat disappointed. I should note that I had had a feeling at least a year prior that I would be called to be the Primary Music Leader and when I wasn’t called, I assumed it was because I had made it up in my head. However, that prior impression did come to mind which helped me feel better about responding “yes”. Even when talking to Brother Warner telling him I’d accept the calling, I told him how sad I was at being released from teaching Relief Society. After accepting the calling, I wondered if I should have asked if it was at all possible for me to keep my current calling because I loved it so much. It also didn’t demand a lot of me because I really liked teaching the sisters in our ward. It was only once a month. I really enjoyed studying the Conference talks. I had gotten the hang of teaching over Zoom and kind sisters would occasionally give me positive feedback that showed when my lessons were also meaningful for them. I also felt the Spirit’s guidance in that calling. For example, we had talked about Joseph F. Smith’s vision of the Redemption of the Dead and talked for a while about the Spanish Flu of 1918 and how that influenced the church and world as a whole. For some reason, that part of the lesson seemed to be important to talk about and we did prior to any hint of COVID. It was a testimony to me of the Holy Ghost helping me in my calling. Feelings of discouragement continued as I started my new calling and realized the Primary children hardly sang social distanced, behind masks and had forgotten what seemed like all the primary songs they had learned before the COVID lockdown. I’ve always enjoyed when I’ve been able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society and missed being taught. Our ward leadership seemed to struggle finding a pianist for a month or two which just confirmed to me what an unwanted calling it was. I also had often served as a Primary Teacher and more-recently as a Cub Scout Leader and Primary Activities Leader and told myself that Primary was the default calling for me. I knew of its importance but talked myself into thinking it was where they put everyone willing to take a difficult calling that was low on the trodden pool. There were other minor issues that contributed to my mummering. I had gone through a very traumatic experience in November of 2020 where I went through hours of being completely blind and slowly regaining my vision over the following weeks and months. I also was somewhat self-conscious for various reasons especially while singing what seemed like solos to youth and teachers. The ward, stake and general leadership mask mandates were ambiguous so although I didn’t wear a mask while teaching the children. Most of them they did at first and I was concerned that some adults would be upset about me not wearing a mask while teaching. I also realized that it would require weekly preparation and making visuals and so forth and it just felt intimidating and like an unwanted calling that required a lot of work. I’m embarrassed now to admit that I grumbled and complained a lot for the first month or so. Hadn’t the Lord already given me enough challenges in life? One day, while feeling self-pity for myself and my calling, Jonathan was practicing a hymn to play for Sacrament Meeting. It was Thy Will Oh Lord Be Done. My mind went through the words and The Holy Ghost helped me realize that my bad attitude and complaining were completely unwarranted. What was asked of me was nothing compared with what was asked of our Savior and what He willingly went through for me. I was truly humbled and it was a game-changer for me. I stopped complaining and instead remembered that I had consecrated my life to God. Maybe I wouldn’t be the best music leader but I’d do what I felt was best and look for solutions rather than problems. Gradually, my heart was softened and I was willing to let God’s will trump my will. I started to look forward to Singing Time and gained new skills in interacting with the children. I was never really concerned about the children judging my mistakes but worried about the adults in the room. However, I told myself that what they thought wasn’t important. What was important was what God thought. I started to love the children. I started to learn their names. I started to pray for them individually. I started to pray for help in knowing what songs to teach and pray that the Spirit would touch their hearts. I started to feel the Spirit regularly with them weekly. I found myself wanted to check-in on the children yesterday during Primary. I need to remember that living the Law of Consecration is simply putting my best effort into my callings and God’s work. He will magnify and sanctify my offerings. I noticed a verse the other day found in D&C 124: 44. “If ye labor with all your might, I will consecrate that spot that it shall be made holy.” As I give efforts the Lord would be pleased with, I can be confident in knowing it is a small part of His work and His glory.
